And Jesus is the co-pilot

Performer: Devil Riding Shotgun

Album: Devil Riding Shotgun

Their description: Heavy grooves. Catchy riffs.

My review: Rockabilly losers.

Greatest hits:

• Who Am I? (see above)
• Lost (good)
• Fetish (should be more involved than rolling up your jeans and trimming your dyed-black bangs)

YouHaveGotToBeKidding

Performer: Leah Smith

Album: Beautifully Made

Their description: So what do you get when you blend soul, pop, gospel, and folk music together? “SoGoPopFo Fusion.” What exactly is that you may ask? Well you have to listen to Leah's music to find out, because right now it’s a genre of music that is all her own.

My review: Heavy eyeshadow, a misplaced beauty mark, and "soft fingers" are the true signs of greatness. You can tell she means it because she sings with her eyes closed. Also, what is that green thing? Is she smashing a praying mantis between her palm and face? Is that an exfoliant thing?

Greatest hits:

• DreamWorld (no shit)
• By Land, By Sea (Intro) (good thing you saved the intro for Track 5)
• Untitled Song (You have 6 songs. You couldn't come up with 6 song titles?)

It's kind of like Milo & Otis

Performer: Lora Kay Alexander

Album: Roses in the Rain

Their description: A little bit country; a little bit Roses In The Rain... Mostly love songs from the heart and soul--to reach out and touch you with passion...

My review: Who ever said tigers and cougars can't get along?

Greatest hits:

• Wearin' Daddy's Genes (but Mama's pantsuit)
• Don't Lead Me On (cuz this cougar will pounce)
• She Won't Come Close (thank God)

888 (Mark of the Puh-leeeze!)

Performer: Dwayne Tryumf

Album: 777 (Mark of the Peace)

Their description: This album contains music that is not listened to but EXPERIENCED!

My review: I don't know about you, but a black guy barfing rainbows and wildlife all over me is not an EXPERIENCE that I care to have.

Greatest hits:

• He's the King (feat. Crazy Ric) (thanks, Crazy Ric. I'm sure Jesus appreciates your hard work)
• Jesus Is Alive (feat. Tony Momrelle) (and He is a HUGE Crazy Ric fan)
• MC Hate Alot Part 2 (feat. Comedian Chris Williams) (WTF?)

The Abyss II: The Abyssining

Performer(s): General X


Album: Emerge


Their description: A unique combination of Funk,Concious Hiphop,R&B, with a touch of Gospel


My review: You know, it was only a matter of time before Hollywood ran out of actual toys to make movies out of (G.I. Joe, Transformers, Hungry Hungry Hippos). Someone has obviously pitched a "modern, urban" update of the deepsea diver and treasure chest figures that you put in the bottom of your fish tank.


Watch your back, Jim Cameron. General X is coming for you!


Greatest Hits: 

• Emerge (don't)
• Above Water (but not)
• Somebody Gotta Do It (I respectfully disagree)